Fun with telemarketers!

For lack of interest in doing anything else I went surfing for sarcastic stuff to say to telemarketers and found the following story. Enjoy!

Fun with telemarketers

What to say to a telemarketer! One of the things that has always bugged me (and I'm sure it has most of you, too) is to sit down to dinner only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating to them as they were to me. The call was from AT&T, and it went something like this:

Me: Hello

AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T....

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T....

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes. This is AT&T....

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: YES! This is AT&T. May I speak to Mr. Salem please?

Me: May I ask who is calling?

AT&T: This is AT&T.

Me: OK, hold on.

At this point, I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, she was still waiting.

Me: Hello?

AT&T: Is this Mr. Salem?

Me: May I ask who is calling please?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T....

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T....

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Salem?

Me: Yes, is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, sir.

Me: The phone company?

AT&T: Yes, sir.

Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.

AT&T: Yes, sir, we are a phone company.

Me: I already have a phone.

AT&T: We aren't selling phones today, Mr. Salem.

Me: Well, whatever it is, I'm really not interested, but thanks for calling.

When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested", but this lady was persistent.

AT&T: Mr. Salem, we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute, but she at no time used the word "rate". I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.

Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day? AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes, sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!

Me: 7 days a week?

AT&T: That's right.

Me: 365 days a year?

AT&T: Yes, sir.

Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!! That's amazing!! AT&T: We think so!

Me: That's quite a sum of money!

AT&T: Yes, sir, it's amazing how it adds up.

Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560? If you send an annual heck, can I get a

cash advance?

AT&T: Excuse me?

Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.

AT&T: What are you talking about?

Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.

AT&T: Oh no, sir, I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.

Me: Wait a minute here! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a minute? Are you sure this is AT&T?

AT&T: Well, yes, this is AT&T, sir, but....

Me: But nothing! How do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of suliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me.

AT&T: No, sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for....

Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please?!? AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.

Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later? AT&T: What?

Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor! AT&T: Yes, Mr. Salem. Please hold.

So, now AT&T has me on hold, and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food.......

Supervisor: Mr. Salem?

Me: Yeth?

Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.

Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth? (Is this AT&T)

Supervisor: Yes, sir, it sure is.

I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter, and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.

Me: No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.

Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.

Me: Thank you.

I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.

AT&T: Hello, Mr. Salem. I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan?

Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother.........

AT&T: (click)

Note From Me: When I get a call from a telemarketer I prefer to give them options. I simply tell them Steve is not here right now but would they prefer to speak to Slob Boy, Gutter Boy, BrainDead Man ..... Click............

Or My Other Favorite... Are you single? Click............

Tuesday night

It's Tuesday night.

The hubby has gone to town to play league pool and I am at home with a 6 pack, the remote and the internet. Woo Hoo.

I'll start with shit that pisses me off. The USPS. I am expecting 2 checks, that total a bit over $3000 in the mail and all of a sudden, I'm not getting any mail. Haven't had a scrap of mail for 5 days! No bills, no junk mail, no nothing! WTF!

The people who I'm expecting the checks from have mailed them. I checked. The USPS is full of shit. Used to deal with them when I worked at the local paper. The USPS is one of the few businesses/govt agencies that you will deal with where you pay up front for services you don't always get.

In the newspaper business, the paper pays all postage on mailed paper subscription before the paper gets mailed. However the paper and magazines all go 3rd class. This means 1st class, priority, air mail and whatever else goes first. So 3rd class gets sorted and sent last. Guess what!? If PO is to busy or short handed they don't effing bother.

Somewhere? There is a warehouse full of newspapers, magazines, packages, etc. that have had th postage paid and never been delivered. I wonder what the USPS does with that stuff? Do they have a big ole secret summer wienie roast and use that stuff for the fire? In the 4 years I worked at the paper there were 4 people in CO with a sub that only got 2 to 3 papers a week out of 5. That is a lot of paper, especially if you multiply it by, oh, say 100 who never got stuff from where ever. Then think about the whole country! OMG! The USPS can furnish the fire, the rest of us could all bring a pkg of hot dogs, a 6 pack and a sack of chips and we could have a Redneck bbq that would put Woodstock, Sturgis and the democratic and republican convention to shame.

In case you haven't figured it out, I am pissed at the postal service! For a change, I am expecting money in the mail, do you think it has showed up? NO! If it was a bill it would get to my box before it was mailed!

On a good note, I havn't got any junk mail either. I wish I could figure out how to quit getting that crap. What a waste of trees.

On another note. My blog is popular and I got spanked the other day by my oldest sons employer! He is a state patrolman and a member of SWAT. I can't say which state cuz that's what got me in trouble. Seems they have google alerts, and when I mentioned a certain thing, they got pinged and I got my little typing fingers spanked. Not bad, it was really kind of funny in the end.

It was one of those things that was good and bad at the same time. Hope the powers that be come back and visit now and then.

Well, folks, I better check out and let the dogs in and head to bed.

Gotta spend an evening cleaning and get my stuff ready to go to Lincoln on Sat for the Husker Virginia Tech game! Woo Hoo!

Redneck and husker maternity shirts

Just a few of the cool redneck and Nebraska Cornhusker shirts you can find at my store

For all those great Husker fans who are expecting a new Husker in the family, I have some Husker maternity shirts. Maternity shirts with Cornhusker designs are hard to find. I'm working on more, so stay tuned.

The redneck shirts are the more popular ones in my store. Hold my beer and watch this is a great redneck t-shirt and way to true.

Redneck Horse shoes rules

www.cafepress.com/missingnebraska/1162282

I see a few folks have been looking for the rules to Redneck, hillbilly, Polish horseshoes, so straight from the horses mouth from the makers of the game, Original washers, I bring you the rules.

There is a link in the sidebar where you can buy your very own Texas, Polish, Redneck, or Hillbilly Horseshoes game.

Official Rules for Texas Horseshoes
(also known as Polish, Redneck, or Hillbilly Horsehoes)

Game Setup

1. The two washer boards should be placed on a flat surface 10 feet apart from the front of the board. The included distance rope is exactly 10 feet long for easy distance measuring.
2. The preferred surface to play on is short grass or carpet.
3. During one-on-one competition, the first player will toss at a selected board while the second person follows from the same spot. After tallying scores, players will then pick up the washers thrown and throw to the other board. During two-on-two competitions, teammates will stay at the opposite board.

Player Positioning

1. Washers is a team game, each team will have a player situated at opposing washer game board unless the game is one-on-one, in which please see Section 3 under “Setup.”
2. Each player must throw their respective washers with both feet on the washer board. The foul line is the front of the board.

Scoring

1. The closest hole is worth one (1) point, the middle hole is worth three (3) points, and the furthest hole is worth five (5) points. Washers must drop into the hole completely to score. A thrown washer from either player can knock washers on the board in a hole. It is important to remember whose washers are on the board in case of a knock-in throw. The owner of the knocked-in washer receives the applicable score for the hole into which it was knocked.
2. Each player has a turn to throw three washers in each round. During one-on-one games, players will tally the score from that round and proceed to throw back at the other board. During two-on-two games, after a round is thrown and score is tallied, washers are then picked up and thrown by the other set of opponents.

Canceling Points

1. After a player has thrown three washers for their turn, the other player has the opportunity to cancel out the opponent's score.
2. For example, if Player A throws a washer in the first hole for 1 point, the middle hole for 3 points, and then misses the third shot, the score would be 4 points for Player A. However, the opposition, Player B, has a chance to cancel points from Player A's total during this round. If Player B throws a washer in the first hole for 1 point and the last hole for 5 points, and then misses the third shot, the score of the first round would be 5 to 3 in favor of Player B because the washers that landed in the first hole for one point cancelled each other out.
3. The cancel rule is counted only for turns in the same round. Both players must throw all their washers for a complete round.

Player Turns

1. The player or team to score last (no matter if the throw is cancelled or not) throws first in the next round.
2. A round consists of a player making three washer throws in a row as one turn, and then an opposing player making three washer throws in a row as the second turn. Thus, a round consists of two turns.

Skunk Rule

1. The skunk rule is in effect unless otherwise agreed upon by both teams before a game begins.
2. If a team outscores another team 11+to 0, then the team with zero is SKUNKED (they lose). The team that outscores the other team 11+ to 0, wins the game.

Winning

1. The first player or team to reach exactly twenty-one (21) points wins the game.
2. NOTE -- the round has to be complete and a player or team must reach exactly 21 points to win the game. Breaking the 21-point level creates a penalty situation (see section “Breaking 21 – Penalty”).

Breaking 21 - Penalty

1. Exceeding the winning point total of 21 results in a reduction of your starting score by the total number of points you made to break 21.
2. For example, if Player A has 18 points and throws a washer in the last hole for 5 points, then misses two shots, they or their team will go back to 13 points because the total number of points thrown during that turn exceeded 21 points and the points scored (5) is subtracted from the starting score (18) for that round.
3. During each round, if opponents make a washer in the same hole, it's just as if that washer was never thrown for both players. Scores are tallied at the end of each player's turn, and then adjusted for cancels at the end of the opponents turn. For example, if both players threw a five in the previous example, the score for Player A or his team would remain at 18 points.

These rules can be adjusted with any variation that you wish, but must be agreed on before a game begins

Intruders

Officials: Dad finds naked boy in daughter's room, hits him with pipe

By PATRICIO G. BALONA
Staff Writer

A Deltona father ended up in jail Thursday after finding his daughter's teenage boyfriend naked in the girl's bedroom and hitting him with a pipe, sheriff's officials said.

Raul Colon, 45, didn't even know his daughter had a boyfriend -- or that the youngster had been sneaking into the home for more than a year. So when he heard noises coming from his daughter's room early Thursday and saw a naked stranger standing on the girl's bed, he swung a metal pipe he had taken from the garage, hitting the 15-year-old, according to a Volusia County sheriff's report.

Colon was charged with aggravated battery on a child but was released from jail later Thursday on $10,000 bail, a booking officer said. No one answered the phone at Colon's residence Thursday for comment.

According to the report, Colon heard the noise in his daughter's room when he got up at 4 a.m. to let his dog out, as he does every morning.

Colon told deputies he chased Lucas Contreres through the kitchen, living room and through the front door and out into the street and called 9-1-1.

Colon's daughter later told deputies she had been seeing Contreres for 18 months but did not tell her father about the relationship. Contreres had sneaked in through a bedroom window at 3 a.m. Thursday to have sex with her, the 15-year-old girl told deputies.

Contreres was found at Florida Hospital Fish Memorial in Orange City where he received staples to close cuts on his head. His injuries were not life-threatening, deputies said.

Contreres told deputies a similar account to Colon's. He said Colon came into the room and started swinging at him with the metal pipe. He jumped out of the bed and began running through the home to get away from Colon. Once outside, he jumped on his bike and went home. His sister later took him to the hospital, deputies said.

Although Contreres' father said he wasn't sure whether he wanted to press charges, deputies took Colon to jail anyway.

Ok, there is no fucking way in hell the dad should have gone to jail. He had a male person he did not know in his daughters bedroom.

He's lucky I don't have any girls and that he wasn't in my daughters bedroom, I'd have filled his ass with buckshot.

I do wonder though why the Dad hadn't noticed before???

That is still beside the point. Local law enforcement is whining cuz he smacked a kid only 15.

Hello! For all the dad knew he could have been a crack head or on PCP! Being 15 DOES not exempt you from the law.

And while we're at it, I'll spank the daughter and the Dad too! She should not have had her BF in the house, and why does'nt Dad know? And where the hell is MOM? Drunk, loaded, high? And where the hell is the damn dog? The dog has'nt raised a fit all this time dingle ass is sneaking in? Piss poor dog in my opinion.

On another note, we had a truck stolen some years ago by"minors", as an adult, even though we were the "victims" we could not go to court because if the perp is "under age" court proceedings are closed.

That is the biggest crock of shit! They should make those proceedings public. Kids get away with way to much crap these days.

In fact, I am in favor of public whippings every Friday afternoon on the court house lawn. If you are a minor and you did something dumb, we're going to give you a good old fashioned, behind the outhouse whupping, and then we're going to whup your folks for not keeping track of your stupid ass.

The rest of us will be allowed to sit on the sidewalk in front of Stewies bar in Sidney, NE and drink beer and watch!

If anyone from the NSP is watching, have a good and safe week.

Janelle

#682's Mom

Pull up your pants

So, I was watching the news this morning and some dumb ass in Florida had committed a robbery and tried to escape in his car. Well, the traffic was bad and that wasn't working, so in order to evade arrest, he ditched the car and started running through traffic.

There was just on little problem, he's one of those dumb asses that adores the droopy drawers look. You know, where if you didn't have on your boxer shorts you'd get arrested for indecent exposure.

So the sky cam helicopter is following this chase on TV and you can see this dumb ass running around in traffic, only thing is my Grandma could run faster than that, cuz she pulls up her pants.

Finally he stops his little morning jog and appears he's giving up, but just in case and since he's a big ole guy, the cops tase him. Way to go. It was hilarious, rolling around in the middle of the street with his boxers hanging out. Dumb ass!

SWAT

In late breaking news law enforcement has just been dispatched to Gurley, NE.

There was a domestic disturbance earlier and now the male has barricaded himself in the house and it is not known at this time if there area any hostages.

The elementary school is in lock down.

Not a whole lot of this kind of thing goes on out here in the sticks, so it's exciting when it does, but at the same time, for me it's scary.

Over the last couple of years the score on these situations here is SWAT 4, Bad guys 0.

I just hope we never have to see the score tip in the favor of the bad guys.

Palin vs. Obama

Woo Wee! I do believe ole Obama done stuck his foot in his mouth with the pig remark last night.

Some news reporters tried to pass it off as just a saying, it's just rhetoric, he didn't call Sarah Palin a pig outright.

Well, that may be, but it sure sounded like Mr. Obama called Sarah Palin a pig. What an ass! The symbol of the Democratic party sure fits Obama to a tee.

I know the politicians are going to take jabs at one another, but that was just out and out rude and uncalled for.

Any thoughts I had good about Obama have gone out the window. As my Grandma would say, "When you lay down with the dog, you get up with the fleas."

And then we get to the other "Big O" in America, Oprah! Oprah doesn't want her show to be political so she won't have Sarah Palin on until after the election. But she had Obama on and she endorses him. What a dip shit woman. She already made her show political when she had Obama on and said she supported him.

I have 2 words to describe Oprah and Obama.

DUMB ASS!

Sexism, alive and well in America

Well, with the announcement of Sarah Palin as John McCain's choice for VP in the election the left wing liberal looney's have proved that sexism is alive and well in America.

I'm watching the sun rise through my patio door and can't help but hope that McCain and Palin get elected and become very successful. Maybe that way a new day will dawn in our country, where sexism will wane with the setting sun.

This whole line of bullshit about how cans he be a Mom and the VP is exactly a big ole line of bullshit.

Sarah Palin is married, that means she has a husband and they are a team. On this team,"Dad" will step up to the plate and be a parent. This "Dad" will do the things a lot of Dads don't or won't, he will be an involved parent, he will be half of the team, he won't wander through life doing shit he thinks is important while delegating the child rearing to his wife, because after all he's better than that.

It seems to me that the team of Palin and Palin really does understand what it means to be married, have kids, and to be a team. In a team, just like in a family, everyone has to step up and do whatever needs to be done for the good of the team.

If that means Dad stays home and changes diapers and cooks supper while his wife is helping to run our country, well so be it. Dad understands that his wife is intelligent and has lots to offer and can do good not just for her family but for her country.

Redneck election musings

Below is an email sent to me by a friend concerning our election and our presidential candidates, John McCain and Barrack Obama.


We, in Ireland, can't figure out why people are even bothering to hold an election in the United States.

On one side, you have a pants wearing lawyer, married to a lawyer who can't keep his pants on, who just lost a long and heated primary against a lawyer who goes to the wrong church who is married to yet another lawyer who doesn't even like the country her husband wants to run.

Now, on the other side, you have a nice old war hero whose name starts with the appropriate 'Mc' terminology married to a good looking younger woman who owns a beer distributorship.

What in Lord's name are you lads thinking over there in the colonies??

I thought that was hilarious, now we add a woman VP candidate for John McCain. A woman who hunts, fishes, is a life long memeber of the NRA and don't take shit off nobody.

On a more serious note, I'm royally pissed at US Weekly magazine and the shit they're spewing. Especially the stuff about her last baby. Some dumb ass group thinks she needs to have a DNA test to prove it's her baby. WTF! She was pregnant, she gave birth, of course it's her baby. What dumb blonde came up with that?

The liberal news is slamming her like no other. Talk about a bunch of sexist shit. I thought the left was supposed to be all about equality, and supportive and helpful of the underdog, to help the poor and disadvantaged rise above their stupidity, blah, blah.

The liberal left wingers in my opinion are a bunch of whining sissy bed wetters and bullies.

More support Palin gear

A few great designs on t-shirts, buttons, stickers and more in support of Sarah Palin.

More Sarah Palin

So the far left wingers are bitching, whining, complaining and hooting and hollering about Sarah Palin's daughter being pregnant.

Now a 17 year old pregnant girl isn't the best situation in the world, but on the other hand it isn't the end of the world either. She's not the first and won't be the last. Besides, that really has very little to do with how Sarah Palin will perform in office.

If I recall, George Bush's 2 daughters were somewhat wild there for awhile.

Besides, I've raised a couple of kids and let me tell ya, they don't always do what their parents want or what they think they should do. Thank God, most of them grow up.

I think the left wingers are just a bunch of nasty folks who have never left the city and were born with a silver spoon in their mouth and have nothing better to do than bully people. Yes, bully people. They've never grown up and can't see the big picture.

Sarah Palin's pregnant teen daughter is not the big picture. The big picture is how will she perform in office.

Quite frankly I think the left wing wackos are afraid of her. She is a good ole redneck gal who kicks ass and takes names later and doesn't put up with any shit. She's just what we need.

Support Palin Gear

Pretty Palin

Sarah Palin, finally a redneck in the White house! Here's a pretty cool shirt, pretty Palin all dressed up with a box of roses and a gun! Tee Hee!

There's more here.

Sarah Palin for VP

Sarah Palin, now there is a politician I can relate to. She's from Alaska, she hunts, she kicks ass at the office and she's a mother. She sounds like a redneck to me! I think this would be an awesome logo for her campaign.

Want one you can get it here.

Along with several others that are pretty cool.

Redneck stuff to wear

Well since this blog is called Redneck Revue, I figured I show you some sweet Redneck shirts and stuff!

The beginning of a new era, the first Bo/husker football game

Ok, so far, Huskers, 7 WMU 0.

Ne ball goal and goal to go.
ball on the 3 yd line, little eye formation pass, TD mike Mcniel!

PAT good!
Kick off, Brandon Wess , wmu to the 32.
Go Black shirts!

wmu pass complet to 35, fumble, NE football!

end of 1st qtr

NE 14 WMU 0

Go Huskers!

The Knights of the Tunics of Black from the land of corn shall rise and once again be victorious on the field of battle!

Cool Husker Gear

Along with being a redneck, I also bleed Husker red. Found some really cool Husker gear, just in time for football season. It's a little wide for the page, but still some really cool stuff!

ATF

Since this blog is called Redneck Revue, how about this latest great redneck t-shirt. Makes fun of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms and rednecks. It's a great funny redneck t-shirt, that really personifies the redneck. I can see it in my mind, a bunch of rednecks out shooting trap, a cooler full of beer sitting on the tail gate of the truck and of course everyone has a cigarette hanging out of their mouth, all the while blasting the shit out of clay pigeons. So, if you need a unique and funny t-shirt as a gift for your favorite redneck, my funny redneck t-shirts and other gifts will bring tons of humor and laughter to all your favorite rednecks. ATF funny redneck shirts.

Cheese sticks

Just for fun!

Grime Scene

We all know kids are dirty little boogers! Especially in the summer when they can spend all day outside geting inot God knows what.

I have the perfect t-shirt for those grimey little guys. The "Grime scene".

Perfect for little redneck kids who really get into stuff. I thought it was cute and appropriate to use the crime scene tape motif.

I've got a lot of other great shirts for kids, mostly for little boys right now. I used a lot of stuff boys like, loaders, tractors, bugs, snakes, and the like. No wimpy stuff for the little boys I want to see my shirts on. You can find all of my great funny t-shirts, matching sibling t-shirts and limited edition t-shirts for boys at
Little Imps.

Mens new swimsuits

This post is for my redneck lady friends! You know who you are!

New shirts designs for kids

Well folks I opened a new online t-shirt store with designs just for kids. It's far from done but thought I'd put the first of some of the designs.

I'm starting out with big brother, little brother and big sister, little sister, matching designs. I started putting of shirts for little boys first, using tractors, heavy equipment and stuff that little boys love. I'll be adding those to shirts for little girls too.

I'll do all the basic, gender designs you'd expect of shirts for boys and girls, but will also break away from tradition by adding the tractors, trucks, fishing, hunting and so on to the girls shirts. Girls like to hunt and fish too.

I have an Aunt who is famous in the super stocker tractor pulling world. You can see her here

So tractors, trucks and more power! Well, women love it too!
You can check out the new line of shirts for little boys, little girls, babies, etc at Little Imps

Keep checking back as I will be adding new stuff all the time.

Obama plays the race card, dumb ass!

So, Obama has decided to play the race card. What a dumb ass.

I'm from middle class, white, conservative, western Nebraska and I am a Redneck, and I could care less what color Obama is. Well, I didn't until he started whining about it.

Not to mention he's whining about hurricane Katrina. Kiss my big white ass.

You don't see any 300 pound black women in Iowa whining help me, some one feed me. In fact you don't see anyone whining they need any help. No, they are all helping each other clean up the mess and get on with there lives. No whining allowed.

Fuck FEMA.

And he's blaming Bush for Katrina? Give me a fucking break. Bad shit happens all the time.

In my opinion, blacks, african americans, mexicans, hispanics, gays, lesbians or whoever else you are that are claiming discrimination, prosecution, or what ever. I don't give one flying shit about any of that. YOU are the one who keeps bringing it up. I DON'T CARE! If you'd shut up about it, it wouldn't be a fucking issue.

Just come to work, do your job, and when you get home, I don't care if you sit in sweat lodge, fry fish, eat watermelons or give your SO a blow job or eat their pussy.

have a nice day.

Randy and Harley Booth

From ksid radio

Bond set at $75,000 / 10% for man arrested in Sunol Tuesday night

Bond has been set for a Sunol man accused of stabbing a neighbor Tuesday evening. Cheyenne County Sheriff Darrell Johnson says 54-year-old Randy Booth is in the local jail on $75,000 bond / ten percent.
Booth was arrested last night for allegedly stabbing another man in Sunol. The victim has not been publicly identified but KSID has learned he survived the incident and was listed in serious condition in the ICU at Memorial Health Center in Sidney.
Booth is being held on charges of felony aggravated assault and use of a weapon to commit a felony.
The investigation into the incident remains ongoing. (Dave Collins 6/18)

Such scandalous goings on in Sunol, NE! Harley is Randy's 13/14 year old son and has made a habit of running across the street to the neighbors and peeking in their windows at their little girls. One of the neighbors finally got fed up and confronted Randy.

Randy is an odd duck and that's being nice, he's a 2 time convicted felon already so this is probably the end of the line for him. What will become of Harley remains to be seen. And what will happen to all of Randy's scroungy, nasty German Shepherds also remains to be seen. Most likely they will all be put down. They're not fit for rehab to go to new homes.

Art fishing

Trooper boy and his buddy Curtis.

pics

Far left, son Dale (rad tech), hubby and me in Memorial stadium for huskers spring game. Right, son Art the state trooper fishing.


Dale in Lincoln.
























Me and Ruby and me after a long day at work.

Tobacco and tax dollars

Rednecks and chew go together like hot dogs and buns. I am so sick of the government telling me I shouldn't smoke or chew! Assholes!

I know it's not good for you, but shit, it's not like I'm blowing up buildings or doing drive by shootings!

And for all you government geeks out there, if all of us chewers and smokers give up the bad nicotine tobacco habits, you'd lose all your cushy tax revenue.

Then what the hell ya gonna do? By the by, if you Google tobacco tax revenue you'll discover that all the money that was won in all those lawsuits that was supposed to help all of quit this nasty habit, is not being spent for that.

It's supporting all kinds of medical programs, the government crooks claim most of it is for kids, but I'd bet most of it is probably being spent on illegal immigrants and welfare moms who keep shelling out kids via immaculate conception.

Besides that what about all the other stuff the tobacco taxes fund. Like Memorial Stadium in Lincoln, Ne. It was built with a lot of cigarette tax money, but can you smoke in there? NOOOOOOOO!

So, to my government, I'll quit smoking/chewing when you can quit spending the tax dollars generated by my bad habit.

Redneck Special Forces

Redneck Special Forces

United States Redneck Special Forces
(USRSP)

The USRSP have been given these 5 facts about Iraqi Terrorists.

1. The season opened today.

2. There is no limit.

3. They taste just like chicken.

4. They don't like beer, country music, jesus or chicken.

5. They are directly responsible for the death of your
favorite race car driver.

This shit will be over in a week!

Redneck Hooker

Redneck Hooker

Funny how a word that means one thing to some folks can have a whole different meaning in a different part of the country. The redneck hooker is just that. To a redneck, a hooker is his favorite fishing lure.

Redneck horse shoes the Nebraska way

Out here in Nebraska, we pitch horse shoes the redneck way! With toilet seats! Actually we did this at a family reunion, it was great fun. All the regular horse shoe pitching rules applied, we just used toilet seats instead of horse shoes.

Get this hilarious Redneck horseshoes shirt here.

A Redneck's famous las words

A Redneck's famous last words........
Hold my beer and watch this. With summer here and all the good ole redneck boys spending more time outside playing redneck games and drinking beer, this is the perfect t-shirt for their wives or girlfriends.

Monkey party

Monkey Party

Isn't this Monkey Party shirt adorable?

I found it surfing around looking for cute shirts for kids. There other monkey shirts and other great cartoon shirts on this web site. Just click on Monkey party to see all the cute shirts.

I thought it was cute because when I was a kid, mom used to call us little monkeys, when we got to screwing around and acting silly.

Barbed wire and thong panties

A thong

is kind of like barbed wire, it protects the property with out obstructing the view!

I figured all my Redneck friends would love this t-shirt.

Odd news

INCINNATI - A woman told Cincinnati police that she heard a noise and then felt something cold on her feet. Police said a man crawled under a table at a University of Cincinnati library and used a syringe to spray saltwater onto the woman's shoes.

ADVERTISEMENT

Dwight Pannell, 43, of Columbus, was booked on charges of voyeurism, assault and criminal trespass, court records show.

Pannell was silent in court a court appearance on Thursday. His attorney argued that Pannell's alleged actions didn't warrant the charges against him.

The woman told officers that after she heard something coming from under her table and felt the sensation on her feet, she looked down and saw a man on his knee holding a syringe.

The judge set Pannell's bond at $75,000.

My question about all this is why the hell did that woman not haul off and kick that dumb ass in the chops. If I would have looked under the table and seen that, being the good ole redneck I am, I would have kicked that guy square in the teeth. That would probably be a lot more effective in keeping him from doing that again than sending his stupid ass to court.

Polish, Redneck, or Hillbilly Horsehoes rules

I see a few folks have been looking for the rules to Redneck, hillbilly, Polish horseshoes, so straight from the horses mouth from the makers of the game, Original washers, I bring you the rules.

There is a link in the sidebar where you can buy your very own Texas, Polish, Redneck, or Hillbilly Horseshoes game.

Official Rules for Texas Horseshoes
(also known as Polish, Redneck, or Hillbilly Horsehoes)

Game Setup

1. The two washer boards should be placed on a flat surface 10 feet apart from the front of the board. The included distance rope is exactly 10 feet long for easy distance measuring.
2. The preferred surface to play on is short grass or carpet.
3. During one-on-one competition, the first player will toss at a selected board while the second person follows from the same spot. After tallying scores, players will then pick up the washers thrown and throw to the other board. During two-on-two competitions, teammates will stay at the opposite board.

Player Positioning

1. Washers is a team game, each team will have a player situated at opposing washer game board unless the game is one-on-one, in which please see Section 3 under “Setup.”
2. Each player must throw their respective washers with both feet on the washer board. The foul line is the front of the board.

Scoring

1. The closest hole is worth one (1) point, the middle hole is worth three (3) points, and the furthest hole is worth five (5) points. Washers must drop into the hole completely to score. A thrown washer from either player can knock washers on the board in a hole. It is important to remember whose washers are on the board in case of a knock-in throw. The owner of the knocked-in washer receives the applicable score for the hole into which it was knocked.
2. Each player has a turn to throw three washers in each round. During one-on-one games, players will tally the score from that round and proceed to throw back at the other board. During two-on-two games, after a round is thrown and score is tallied, washers are then picked up and thrown by the other set of opponents.

Canceling Points

1. After a player has thrown three washers for their turn, the other player has the opportunity to cancel out the opponent's score.
2. For example, if Player A throws a washer in the first hole for 1 point, the middle hole for 3 points, and then misses the third shot, the score would be 4 points for Player A. However, the opposition, Player B, has a chance to cancel points from Player A's total during this round. If Player B throws a washer in the first hole for 1 point and the last hole for 5 points, and then misses the third shot, the score of the first round would be 5 to 3 in favor of Player B because the washers that landed in the first hole for one point cancelled each other out.
3. The cancel rule is counted only for turns in the same round. Both players must throw all their washers for a complete round.

Player Turns

1. The player or team to score last (no matter if the throw is cancelled or not) throws first in the next round.
2. A round consists of a player making three washer throws in a row as one turn, and then an opposing player making three washer throws in a row as the second turn. Thus, a round consists of two turns.

Skunk Rule

1. The skunk rule is in effect unless otherwise agreed upon by both teams before a game begins.
2. If a team outscores another team 11+to 0, then the team with zero is SKUNKED (they lose). The team that outscores the other team 11+ to 0, wins the game.

Winning

1. The first player or team to reach exactly twenty-one (21) points wins the game.
2. NOTE -- the round has to be complete and a player or team must reach exactly 21 points to win the game. Breaking the 21-point level creates a penalty situation (see section “Breaking 21 – Penalty”).

Breaking 21 - Penalty

1. Exceeding the winning point total of 21 results in a reduction of your starting score by the total number of points you made to break 21.
2. For example, if Player A has 18 points and throws a washer in the last hole for 5 points, then misses two shots, they or their team will go back to 13 points because the total number of points thrown during that turn exceeded 21 points and the points scored (5) is subtracted from the starting score (18) for that round.
3. During each round, if opponents make a washer in the same hole, it's just as if that washer was never thrown for both players. Scores are tallied at the end of each player's turn, and then adjusted for cancels at the end of the opponents turn. For example, if both players threw a five in the previous example, the score for Player A or his team would remain at 18 points.

These rules can be adjusted with any variation that you wish, but must be agreed on before a game begins

Richard Noggin, aka dickhead

My Redneck name is Richard Noggin! Ha, ha. The politically correct choice for dick head!

This great redneck shirt even comes in the highly fashionable sleeveless tee, favored by many rednecks, especially in the summer.

You know those long hot summer evenings that rednecks spend working on their pick-up trucks and drinking beer?

Redneck vacation

Alien abduction, the ultimate redneck vacation! How come is it that the little green men never pick up the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders or maybe Al Gore! They pick on poor ole drunked up BuBa!

Maybe the aliens know that no one will ever believe BuBa.

Anyway, you can get this great Redneck vacation t-shirt for yourself.

Gas prices

The price of gas, OMFG! It's ridiculous. And the big oil companies are raping us, making record profits.

Here's my take on gas prices.

I had to quit my job because I couldn't afford the gas to get there.

Gas prices shirts

Batman joke

A hooker, a mistress and a wife were having lunch together and were talking about revving up the sex life.

They decided to get a leather outfit and see what happened.

The next time they got together, the hooker she dropped her robe and the customer was turned on and it was great sex.

The mistress said, she dropped her robe and her lover became really revved up and it was the best sex they ever had.

All the while the wife is unusually quiet. Finally the others asked her how it went.

She said "I put on the leather outfit and mask, when husband got home I met him at the door and dropped my robe, he looked at me and said, "Holy crap Batman, what's for supper?"

Woops

I edited my last post a little. I realized I had posted that very early and said some things I probably shouldn't have. I'm blaming it on a lack of coffee.

It was not my intent to offend anyone or hurt any feelers.

I really only wanted to comment on why I price my things the way I do and I let my sleep deprived brain stray away from the subject.

have a nice day everyone.

The price you pa y

Well, there was ab big whoop tee doo on the forums at Cafepress yesterday about pricing. Happens now and again.

Every once in a while I leave the sticks and head for the big city, Cheyenne, WY usually, last weekend I was in Lincoln, NE. I always hit the malls and check out the prices of shirts. I'm always amazed, especially if you stop in the sports themed stores. $19.99-$29.99 for a t-shirt that says "Nike, Nebraska, Texas, Kansas," etc.!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some of my designs at CP are strictly text and some have text and graphics. I Barrified my prices for several reasons.

1. Like a lot of other sk's I spend a LOT of TIME working on my CP business. You have to wear many hats to be successful. So I want to see some return for my time.

2. When someone shops and buys at CP they are looking for something unique and are willing to pay for it. Even if it is a crappy text design, if it says something to the customer, they will pay to wear the shirt and say it to the rest of the world.

3. I want to make money! I'd rather sell 5 shirts with $10 mark up than 10 with $3 mark up.

4. You also have to look at pricing and perceived value to the customer. Some people will pay $20 for a plain white t-shirt at the mall, but would never dream of buying the same t-shirt at Wal Mart for $5. God forbid they were perceived as poor or cheap or whatever. Why do you think some folks drive Jags, Beemers, Vettes, Hummers, etc., when they could get where they were going in a Geo Metro? It's all about what they want to project to the world about who they are.

5. With the economy the way it is prices of all goods are going up, and even with Barrified prices my designs/shirts are not out of line with prices in the mall. In fact as the economy falters, my prices will become even more attractive!

6. As far as screwing the universe with high prices, I"m not screwing anyone, I hardly have my customers by the arm with a gun to their heads shouting BUY MY SHIRTS!

Have a nice day.

Teenagers

Ok, it's not a funny situation. The 16 y/o daughter of a dear friend took it upon herself to take off with her boyfriend. She's ok, and will be home soon. I feel every emotion of the parents being a parent myself. And now that they know she's ok, even a good redneck like me can't imagine the fit Mom is going to throw.

But in the spirit of the blog and humor, I thought this poster was appropriate to bring a laugh to all who have worried the last 24 hours.

Redneck, hillbilly, polish horseshoes rules

I see a few folks have been looking for the rules to Redneck, hillbilly, Polish horseshoes, so straight from the horses mouth from the makers of the game, Originalwashers.com I bring you the rules.

Official Rules for Texas Horseshoes
(also known as Polish, Redneck, or Hillbilly Horsehoes)
From OriginalWashers.com

Game Setup

1. The two washer boards should be placed on a flat surface 10 feet apart from the front of the board. The included distance rope is exactly 10 feet long for easy distance measuring.
2. The preferred surface to play on is short grass or carpet.
3. During one-on-one competition, the first player will toss at a selected board while the second person follows from the same spot. After tallying scores, players will then pick up the washers thrown and throw to the other board. During two-on-two competitions, teammates will stay at the opposite board.

Player Positioning

1. Washers is a team game, each team will have a player situated at opposing washer game board unless the game is one-on-one, in which please see Section 3 under “Setup.”
2. Each player must throw their respective washers with both feet on the washer board. The foul line is the front of the board.

Scoring

1. The closest hole is worth one (1) point, the middle hole is worth three (3) points, and the furthest hole is worth five (5) points. Washers must drop into the hole completely to score. A thrown washer from either player can knock washers on the board in a hole. It is important to remember whose washers are on the board in case of a knock-in throw. The owner of the knocked-in washer receives the applicable score for the hole into which it was knocked.
2. Each player has a turn to throw three washers in each round. During one-on-one games, players will tally the score from that round and proceed to throw back at the other board. During two-on-two games, after a round is thrown and score is tallied, washers are then picked up and thrown by the other set of opponents.

Canceling Points

1. After a player has thrown three washers for their turn, the other player has the opportunity to cancel out the opponent's score.
2. For example, if Player A throws a washer in the first hole for 1 point, the middle hole for 3 points, and then misses the third shot, the score would be 4 points for Player A. However, the opposition, Player B, has a chance to cancel points from Player A's total during this round. If Player B throws a washer in the first hole for 1 point and the last hole for 5 points, and then misses the third shot, the score of the first round would be 5 to 3 in favor of Player B because the washers that landed in the first hole for one point cancelled each other out.
3. The cancel rule is counted only for turns in the same round. Both players must throw all their washers for a complete round.

Player Turns

1. The player or team to score last (no matter if the throw is cancelled or not) throws first in the next round.
2. A round consists of a player making three washer throws in a row as one turn, and then an opposing player making three washer throws in a row as the second turn. Thus, a round consists of two turns.

Skunk Rule

1. The skunk rule is in effect unless otherwise agreed upon by both teams before a game begins.
2. If a team outscores another team 11+to 0, then the team with zero is SKUNKED (they lose). The team that outscores the other team 11+ to 0, wins the game.

Winning

1. The first player or team to reach exactly twenty-one (21) points wins the game.
2. NOTE -- the round has to be complete and a player or team must reach exactly 21 points to win the game. Breaking the 21-point level creates a penalty situation (see section “Breaking 21 – Penalty”).

Breaking 21 - Penalty

1. Exceeding the winning point total of 21 results in a reduction of your starting score by the total number of points you made to break 21.
2. For example, if Player A has 18 points and throws a washer in the last hole for 5 points, then misses two shots, they or their team will go back to 13 points because the total number of points thrown during that turn exceeded 21 points and the points scored (5) is subtracted from the starting score (18) for that round.
3. During each round, if opponents make a washer in the same hole, it's just as if that washer was never thrown for both players. Scores are tallied at the end of each player's turn, and then adjusted for cancels at the end of the opponents turn. For example, if both players threw a five in the previous example, the score for Player A or his team would remain at 18 points.

These rules can be adjusted with any variation that you wish, but must be agreed on before a game begins

The farm

Although the unexpected passing of dear friend and neighbor Larry Glassburn has been a tragedy for our community their is some good news.

Larry was deeply into and very committed to organic farming and sustainable agriculture. His wife and children have decided to carry on with Larry's dream and run the farm. With the help of friends and neighbors, Trudy, Becca, Ross and Lindsey are going to give it their best shot.

This makes me happy for several reasons. His family isn't going to throw away his dream and his work. They understand all that his dream meant to him. My DH and I were beginning to toy with the idea of some organic farming, but getting more into fresh fruit and vegetable gardening to sell locally. I will still be able to look to them for advice.

And they aren't going to let anyone push them into just giving up. That's probably most important. A lot of folks would fold up and give up. Not these folks! What great people, filled to the brim with the American spirit!

Larry Glassburn

Woof, what a week! Larry's untimely and greatly unexpected accidental death has rocked our little community.

I knew he had a lot of irons in the fire, but I had no idea. I knew he was deeply into organic farming and had a filing cabinet between his ears as big as the Pentagon. He was into so many things, I can't even begin to list them. He gave speeches at seminars, promoting organic/sustainable farming. He was very knowledgeable about soil and how to fix it without chemicals. He belonged to numerous organic farming organizations and was an officer in several.

As a neighbor and friend he was helping us with our pitiful little piece of farm ground, and I was really getting into picking his brain. I want to get into a local niche market with organics. In my mind I'm thinking fruit. Nanking cherries, raspberries, plums, chokecherries, etc. And maybe free range chickens and organic eggs. Goats milk is another thing I'm considering.

Anyway all of that aside. The funeral was huge, which I knew it would be. There were people from all over there. One gentleman who hauls Larry's organic hay back to Pennsylvania to the Amish Dairies had brought his family this trip to meet Larry, only to find out about his passing. Dave, another neighbor and good friend loaned them his pick up so they could leave the loaded truck at the farm and get a motel and they stayed for the funeral.

Trudy, Larry's wife spoke very eloquently, but truthfully about him. But then she's and English and Drama teacher.

The pastor was a bit windy in my opinion, but it happens.

Anyway on the the after the funeral party. The party was Trudy's idea. While all the friends, neighbors, classmates, relatives and people he knew from his organic endeavors were here, she wanted the kids to have an opportunity to visit in an informal setting and here stories about there dad. The kids are Rebecca, Ross and Lindsey, about 26, 24, 22. So being the good bunch of rednecks we are, a few of us got together and cleaned out his quonset, (aka big metal rounded roof shop), got some tables and folding chairs, wood for the stove and of course barrels to save all the beer cans in, gotta recycle you know. Also, Trudy had food running out of her ears and figured this would be a good opportunity to get it used up instead of wasted.

The party was a blast, but the food thing backfired as people kept bringing more food. And beer, and more beer, and more beer. Lots of Pabst Blue Ribbon, Larry's fave. I would guess that through the course of the evening probably 300 people wandered in and out. My hubby and I arrived early to help set up food and didn't get home until after 1:00 a.m. Thank god it's only about 200 yards home.

All I can say is what a testament to what he meant to the community.

I'm sure as more folks he worked with that aren't local find out, Trudy will get cards, etc. for a long time. In the mean time she has a lot on her plate, keeping the farm and organics programs going until they can decide what they're going to do. But friends and neighbors have all offered to pitch in and help. I know one field needs corn planted for sure, and organic certification filings and other forms need to be kept up. The farm is a corporation and she has a good lawyer, that will help her and Larry's sister work things out.

Luckily, Larry's friend Dave has a pretty good idea about what's going on and Ken Disney is another local organic farmer who can be of great help.

AS for some of the funny stuff. Toad said St. Peter is probably wondering what they were thinking. Larry arrives at the pearly gates and is already peering through, saying "this needs some phosphate, this needs some fish emulsion, this needs some potassium, let me in we gotta fix this stuff!"

Dave says he's going out to the cemetery and taking a soil sample and he's going to go back and spread all the proper nutrients on Larry's grave and sit back an giggle when the cemetery staff can't figure out why the grass grows like crazy there.

Barney figures Pabst Blue Ribbon is gonna wonder why they're only selling half as much beer around here now.

In closing this post, if I can be half the friend and neighbor Larry was, I'll be doing good.

Mrs. Silda Spitzer

Silda Spitzer, is wife of dumb ass Eliot Spitzer. I cannot believe that woman is standing by her man. If he was my husband I'd have kicked him in the ass so hard he'd be farting out his ears. It's not bad enough that he was screwing around, he had a high profile political positions and was screwing around with a high class hooker. What a stupid shit. Then he gets busted and expects Selda to forgive him and love him as he goes on some road to redemption. BULLSHIT. The only road Selda Spitzer should give him is one way out of her life.

Plus what kind of example are Selda Spitzer, Hillary Clinton and other high profile women set for other women and their daughters when the stay and support these dumb shits. They are saying it's ok for your husband to screw around on you and humiliate you and make you look like an idiot.

A good redneck wife would've kicked him to the curb asap.

So just for all you women here's a great t-shirt.

Governor Spitzer, aka Client #9

So Governor Spitzer of New York, done got himself in a pickle. What is it that politicians can't keep their drawers up? Governor Spitzer, aka Client #9, was boinking a cute young prostitute through a high class service. You'd think these dumb shits would've figured out by now anytime you have a high profile, in the public eye job, and you go off monkeying around, you're gonna get busted.

But, hey these guys are great fodder for the t-shirt business.

The end of the line for #9

Client 9

Grime Scene

The Grime Scene. Hilarious t-shirts for little boys. Every good redneck mom knows that all her boys big and little are dirty little boogers. Always looking for the best mud puddle, greasy engine, or whatever other filth they can find.

The Grime Scene is the perfect shirt for you dirty boys. It looks like that crime scene tape you see on police and detective shows. With summer coming on we all know the boys will be out in the garage fixing the lawn mower or getting the boat ready for fishing and all them other dirty, greasy, grimey things boys and men do. Now they can have the best shirt in the world to wear on those I"m gonna get dirty days.

You can get this for you boys at Grime Scene

I see Obama people

I gotta tell ya, I'm tired of all this election coverage. You can't escape it. I know it's important, but I'm on information overload here.

You turn on the news and it's Hillary this, Obama that, McCain something else, yada, yada, yada.

And Hillary Rodham Clinton, doesn't seem to know when she should shut up. Of course today the big flap is all about some bonehead using Obama's middle name, which we all know is Hussein. So what. What the hell kind of middle name is Rodham? It sounds like rotten to me.

Anyway, I made some great and cute support Obama stuff.

Irish Whiskey makes me frisky

I stumbled across the cutest St. Patrick's Day drinking shirt, and it doesn't say anything about green beer! Irish Whiskey makes me frisky! If I do say so myself, the Irish make some lovely whiskey!

The shirt has great emerald green text and little shamrocks that look like they're dancing across the front of the shirt.

Greetings Ya'll!

Well, it's early spring and summer is right around the corner. Ya know what summer means? Vacations! Rednecks like vacations too. Anywhere there's fishing, Nascar, hunting, beer, horseshoes,bbq, you'll find rednecks. But the ultimate redneck vacation is to be abducted by aliens.

To make the ultimate trip to the ufo and meet the little green men. To be probed, prodded, poked and have their brain examined! And then dropped back into there fishing boat or pickup or camper and live to tell the tale.

You can get this hilarious on t-shirts and mugs at Redneck Vacation.

Greetings Ya'll!

Well, it's early spring and summer is right around the corner. Ya know what summer means? Vacations! Rednecks like vacations too. Anywhere there's fishing, Nascar, hunting, beer, horseshoes,bbq, you'll find rednecks. But the ultimate redneck vacation is to be abducted by aliens.

To make the ultimate trip to the ufo and meet the little green men. To be probed, prodded, poked and have their brain examined! And then dropped back into there fishing boat or pickup or camper and live to tell the tale.

You can get this hilarious on t-shirts and mugs at Redneck Vacation.

Just got this joke in an email from a friend. It'd be even funnier if it weren't so true.


This was nominated for best joke of the year - worth sharing.
>
>
>
> A Somalian arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the
> UnitedStates.
>
>
>
> He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says,
> "Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country , giving me
> housing, food stamps, free medical care, and free education!" The
> passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am Mexican."
> The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "
> Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America !" The
> person says, "I not American, I Vietnamese."
>
>
>
> The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops,
> shakes his hand and says, "Thank you for the wonderful America!" That

> person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East , I am not
> American!"
>
>
>
> He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you an American?" She says

> , "No, I am from Africa!"
> Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Americans?"
>
>
>
> The African lady checks her watch and
> says..."Probably at work!!!!!!!
>
>
>
> IF YOU DON'T PASS THIS ON TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS, TOMORROW AT 11:30 AM
> YOU WILL RECEIVE THREE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS ABSOLUTELY FREE.

Along with the joke here's a t-shirt to go along with it.

So, I finally got my new Bamboo fun tablet today and I'm proud to present to the world my very 1st artistic creation. I call it Lady Bug in the Sun!

Seriously the thing is fun. It will take some practice to use it well but I'm looking forward to good things.

Mornin ya'll!

A really nice lady I know that sells the cutest little dog paintings at cafepress on Christmas ornaments and stuff found some sticky fingered feller was selling her designs on ebay. She filched the designs from the web and was selling them on return address labels!

So then this nice lady gets on the forum board and warns the rest of us we'd better check it out because there were other designs she knew had been lifted from other Shopkeepers.

I didn't have any of my images filched, but then I figure who wants a return address label that says, "A hard on doesn't count as personal growth" or "we don't need the electric chair, we need electric bleachers"

But for any of my fellow Cafepress Shopkeepers who want to keep an eye on here store, just paste http://stores.ebay.com/Benas-Custom-Labels_W0QQcolZ4QQdirZ1QQfsubZ0QQftidZ2QQtZkm into your browser bar. It'll take you straight to here store.

TGIF
janelle

For lack of interest in doing anything else I went surfing for sarcastic stuff to say to telemarketers and found the following story. Enjoy!

Fun with telemarketers

What to say to a telemarketer! One of the things that has always bugged me (and I'm sure it has most of you, too) is to sit down to dinner only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating to them as they were to me. The call was from AT&T, and it went something like this:

Me: Hello

AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T....

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T....

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes. This is AT&T....

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: YES! This is AT&T. May I speak to Mr. Salem please?

Me: May I ask who is calling?

AT&T: This is AT&T.

Me: OK, hold on.

At this point, I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, she was still waiting.

Me: Hello?

AT&T: Is this Mr. Salem?

Me: May I ask who is calling please?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T....

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T....

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Salem?

Me: Yes, is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, sir.

Me: The phone company?

AT&T: Yes, sir.

Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.

AT&T: Yes, sir, we are a phone company.

Me: I already have a phone.

AT&T: We aren't selling phones today, Mr. Salem.

Me: Well, whatever it is, I'm really not interested, but thanks for calling.

When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested", but this lady was persistent.

AT&T: Mr. Salem, we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute, but she at no time used the word "rate". I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.

Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day? AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes, sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!

Me: 7 days a week?

AT&T: That's right.

Me: 365 days a year?

AT&T: Yes, sir.

Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!! That's amazing!! AT&T: We think so!

Me: That's quite a sum of money!

AT&T: Yes, sir, it's amazing how it adds up.

Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560? If you send an annual heck, can I get a

cash advance?

AT&T: Excuse me?

Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.

AT&T: What are you talking about?

Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.

AT&T: Oh no, sir, I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.

Me: Wait a minute here! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a minute? Are you sure this is AT&T?

AT&T: Well, yes, this is AT&T, sir, but....

Me: But nothing! How do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of suliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me.

AT&T: No, sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for....

Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please?!? AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.

Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later? AT&T: What?

Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor! AT&T: Yes, Mr. Salem. Please hold.

So, now AT&T has me on hold, and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food.......

Supervisor: Mr. Salem?

Me: Yeth?

Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.

Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth? (Is this AT&T)

Supervisor: Yes, sir, it sure is.

I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter, and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.

Me: No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.

Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.

Me: Thank you.

I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.

AT&T: Hello, Mr. Salem. I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan?

Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother.........

AT&T: (click)

Note From Me: When I get a call from a telemarketer I prefer to give them options. I simply tell them Steve is not here right now but would they prefer to speak to Slob Boy, Gutter Boy, BrainDead Man ..... Click............

Or My Other Favorite... Are you single? Click............