Awright, back to the business of running for president. Todays topic is welfare.

Now, I agree we have a need fer welfare, but it's turned inta a hand out instead of a hand up. Everbody needs a helping hand now and again but welfare has turned a whole bunch of folks into nothin but lazy, baby makin, fat, whiney mooches. These folks have decided they're "entitled" cuz they've had a bad life or grew up in the projects or some poor ole hillbilly town where their ain't no jobs, or their daddy was a drunk or their mama was a hooker or whatever other lame ass excuse they can come up with.

Well according to the bill of rights, yer entitled to Life, Liberty and the PURSUIT of happiness. Yer not ENTITLED to HAPPINESS, just the pursuit of it.

So back the welfare system.

If'n yer single and ya got one of them their babies that don't have no daddy, (lots of immaculate conception going on), welfare's only gonna hep you out with one. If'n you have anymore well tough shit, we ain't payin for it. In fact if I git to be president, ladies on welfare will be required to get one of them shots that'll keep ya from gettin knocked up, and ya'll have to keep gettin it as long as yer gettin welfare.

Folks on welfare will be required to get their highschool diploma, either by finishing highschool or gettin a GED. Ya'll also will be required to go to the little classes that'll hep ya get a job. Ya gotta learn stuff like take out the lip ring and wash yer greasy hair and comb it. Get yerself an outfit that don't say I'm a Hoochiemama and my office is on the nearest street corner right under the red light, hours are anytime its dark.

Ya'll will git a job. I don't care if'n its flingin frys at Burger King, washin sheets at the nursing home or diggin ditches for the government. If'n ya don't git a job we'll git one fer ya. Ya'll can pick up garbage on the highway or dog poop at the park. I think that their dog poop picker upper would be a purty good job fer yer lazy butts. Be kinda a perk for the good hard workin folk that pay taxes to not have ta pack around that baggie whenever they walk the dog. Our local park is open from 6am to 11pm so theirs lots of hours. An we'll come and git yer sorry ass outta bed and deliver ya and take ya home when yer 8 hours is up. In fact we'll work yer ass so hard ya'll be glad to have a job flingin frys or washin for old folks what paid their taxes.

An don't worry bout the little one, we'll make sure ya got daycare. So their won't be any lame ass excuses.

An ya'll only be allowed $20 fer junk food with yer food stamps. Other wise ya gotta buy decent food. I seen one lady the other day with a cart full of ding dongs, ho ho's, ice cream, chips, dips, coco puffs, pop and Hi-C. Not one morsel of real food and she paid fer all of it with food stamps.
I would allow ya could buy toliet paper with yer food stamps. I figure toliet papers pretty important.

An we'll be checkin ya over fer new tattos and piercings, cuz if'n you can afford that shit ya don't need no welfare.

And we will find that mystery daddy, an he'll have ta follow the rules too. And pay his child support, or he'll be out pickin up dog poop too. An if he's got more than one little "who Pa?" runnin around we'll fine the hell out of him fer havin a dangerous animal at large.

Now if'n ya'll should wanna go to college, well, we could hep ya out with that, but ya gotta get done in 4 years and ya gotta get a degree that'll get ya a decent job. Not some degree like in underwater basketweaving or some crap like that. An when yer done ya gotta pay the government back fer yer education or you'll be out pickin up dog poop.

If'n ya don't want a college education well, ya'll get 2 years to get yer shit together and figure out how to git off'n welfare, cuz after 2 years yer done.


Janelle for president