Thursday, November 24, 2011

Be happy

Why can't some people just be happy with what they have?

Why do they want more?

Why do you judge me by your lifestyle? It's not mine! You are retired. I'm still working 50 hours a week. I can't be there to kiss your butt. I wish I could, but I have a mortgage and utilities and a husbnad and grandkids.

Mom, where were you when I needed you? You were not there. You were not worried about me. YOu were worried about how what I did affected you! If I did not perform up to your standards, at 12 years old, it was my fault. You told me over and over, how ashamed of me you were and how bad you were going to look and that you were a bad Mom, and our relatives and your friends were not going to like you, because of me.

It's no wonder, that when I had a relative molest me, I did not want to tell you. YOu would have said it wss my fault. I didn't want to tell Dad, because I knew I could trust him, but I knew it would tear the family apart. So this is a burden I've carried for years.

Mom, I hope that you were never in those shoes. Dad, I miss you.

Granma Jake, I love your 2, but you were never willing to acknowledge a lot of stuff. The next time I come to see you. I don't want you to feel sorry for me, I"m past that, I just want you to acknowledge.

I know that all of you will never step up and give me what I need, so some how I need to figure out how or where to dump all the shit. I need to find a way let it go!

It's just really hard that when the people who should support you, stick there heads i the sand adn there fingers in there ears and go blah, yada, yada, blah, I can't hear you! YOu are wrong. No on touched you. No one molested you. YOu are wrong, that did not happen.
It is a tough and long road to hoe! Someone help me!

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